Yeah

Yeah it's been a while, but whatever. It's not like im talking to anyone. I'm pretty certain i just ant to keep this thing alive so theres some recording of some part of my life. If i read this later, I want myself to know that my time wasnt wasted. What im doing right now is what i want to do and what feels right, So it should be fine.

Now on to business. I just watched an anime that a friend of mine suggested to me. It made me fucking cry when it was over. It may have been because i had just taken some vicodin or some other mood affecting reason but i bawled after it ended. The story was just so perfect and in many aspects i wish i could live a life like that of the main character. While watching that anime i had truly floated into that world, and lived myself through the main character. When the anime ended, i felt depressed.
Depressed that i was now in reality, and nothing like that could ever happen to me. In the anime the kid went on a journey, found true love, grew up, and found a father figure if only for a short while. I do have parents, but i wish i had a better connection with them. I wish i could find someone to be with. Ive fucked girls, but do you know how many girlfriends i've had? none.

There was a girl i genuinely did like, but i couldnt get over a few of her flaws, and that cost me what could have been a short relationship. I dont know, I just dont attract the opposite sex. Probably because i look young as fuck.
There is one experience i have gotten to feel. Of being in a friendzone with a girl. To me, experiences are the main reason we humans are here on this planet, and this brought me a little closer to "enlightenment". The girl isnt important but i did spend time with her, and while i didnt really like her all that much in that way, i did help her through her breakup with some "douche guy" who didnt treat her right. I put that in quotations because I like the guy, he may not be a standup guy but i dont have anything against him. It's sort of like i liked him before her, so with him lies my loyalty, although those are all too strong of words to quantify my relationship with either of them.

all of this talk about experiences has made me think of what i want in life. i honestly dont know. there really isnt THAT much to do on earth but ill attempt to make a list of what i feel should be done by me, and ill post that right after this.