Election

 The year is 2020, and Donald Trump is trying to  wiggle his fat ass to stay president. I can't help but think that if this were tried at the end of a second term, it could have worked. Or in 2 president's terms from now where someone controls the information that a large portion of red and rural residents get, how easy would it be to misinform half the population about the election?

I hope we're strong enough as a country. Most of the coup horror stories I've heard are always, "we just barely made it over, our gov was weakened and recovering... but (terrorist attack happens)

For me

 Home during Covid. Taking classes to see if I want to do OT. Or maybe I sty the LCSW course. Who knows.

wow

 What a time capsule

Wow.

Just finished watching toy story 3. Had a couple epiphanies. Friends are awesome, they come and go though so you have to try and keep them together.

I asked out that girl, got shut down but for good reason, she's going through a rough time. understandable.


I can't believe I have written 20 posts. they may be sporadic, but wow, It puts me at awe that I've written that much. I'm proud of myself :)

Women

God, I hate them. It's no wonder I can't even communicate with them if i cant even really communicate with my sister. Hopefully she's on her period or something so i didnt make THAT big of a mistake.

Girls

What do i want? This is speculation but the girl that i've been talking to online for a while ( whom i met in person first but she lives in a city that's about 40 minutes away from me, ) I mean i don't really like her, but we do have a lot in common, such as mannerisms and quirks, we also do like many of the same things, So im sure we would actually click.
The thing that made me think that i actually like this girl is that i saw her twitter some messages to some guy that say like "you're cute" or "<3 love you" she also changed her relationship status to "in a relationship" but that may have been like that before. Anyways, i felt jealous and kind of depressed. I was feeling crappy for all of an hour until I asked myself "would i have really wanted to have been in a relationship with her?" and the answer that came out was an astounding "nahh".

The same goes for the girl that i've been texting, i do like her, and i know im in the friendzone which is actually pretty comforting because i KNOW i would not want to be in a relationship with her. A relationship is what? Two people who have fun around eachother, enjoy each other's company, and have a carnal attraction to eachother in some way?

Well let's start at the "enjoying each other's company" part. I like to talk to girls, it's not boring to have someone to talk to and That's something enticing to me. but as soon as a girl texts a "closed" text like "hahaha that is nice" or "yeah i think so" I just go, "alright i dont have to talk anymore". tlaking becomes a burden for me. I guess i'm just not a social person.
Now. the perfect girl for me would also have to not care for talking 24/7 and just be able to chill. This means that this girl will have to be sort of a loner and not very sociable. The type of girl that is hard to approach because they do the whole "yeah that's cool" which kind of closes them off for further conversation.

But whatever. Girlfriends seem like too much work. I honestly wouldnt know what do to with one if i got one. My sex drive isnt what you would call high. I dont want to be lonely but i would rather know a lot of people and have a few good friends instead of a girlfriend, it just seems better that way to me.
fuck girls.

The shithole of humanity

People need to stop being such douche bags. Honestly though, it's in our nature. A little while ago i went to a casino and gave a friend $3 to play video roulette. She then Proceeded to turn it into $10. I then started thinking about whose money it was. Was it hers, since she won it, or did i get a share since it was an investment? I decided to just let her play, which thankfully she let another friend use which went down to zero dollars.
Catastrophe averted? There's some serious problems with most people. I myself felt the grasp of wanting that money since i had put in 10$ before and that would have put me even (im not a big spender haha.) And I want to think that i would be above something like that. That i wouldnt turn into that person who so desperately strung to their money.
How do we change something like this? The only real way for our society to get better is for people to govern themselves in a way. It could be called the "don't be such a fucking douche" rule. For instance, if you burn yourself with coffee, how about taking some responsibility? People dont take responsibility because they dont want to feel like they were the ones to do the bad thing.

I know everyone's like this in some way. Fuck just got a text asking if when i had a laptop it worked, and i dont even remember holding the fucking thing. You know what i did? i just said "no i dont remember it working when i had it." in truth i may have fucked up the laptop, although pretty unlikely, but theres a small chance it was me. I may have dropped it slightly. But i just didnt take responsibility. It may just be that we all want to be happy. That's why there's so much competition in colleges and what not to get the best grade. We all want to be happy, and we're pretty selfish about it. We look out for ourselves. The only time we actually look out for other's is when we feel a link to them. That's why you may not care about the dumb slut who always chooses the abusive man, but when it's your friend or someone you like you look out for her best interest. This is why the word "sympathize" that was spelled wrong w/e. it was created because you dont give a shit about something untill you can sympathize with it, or relate it to yourself.

It's why you'll get poorer people look at rich kids with parents who dont pay attention to them and say things like "wtf is he crying about, fucking pussy" but people who have grown up with bitch parents will feel sorry for them. Maybe the problem with humanity is that we dont realize everyone has fucking problems.

You know those rockstars that make a shitload of fucking money? Yeah you wish you were them? It'll be fucking great when you can't form a very decent relaationship with another person because you're not sure she see's you as an icon or you as a person. How about basically living on planes and buses, not being able to just sit and relax.

Everyone has problems. Even miss prom queen probably has spent nights where she was bawling her eyes out.

me? Im fucking writing on a blog that noone will read, not doing schoolwork. I am an unmotivated asshole.

Why do you think God had to give 10 commandments? Without rules, humans are fucking shit.
If you dont believe that, why do you think someone made up a religion like that? Because they fucking said "dude, we gotta make this a better society, and these rules will help"

And also yeah 9/11 was fucking horrible. But i bet you have to think hard about what happened in december of '04 not too long ago. A fucking tsunami, remember now? Yeah. 280k dead. That pretty much means that for about every american that died on 9/11, one hundred more died in that tsunami. Kind of puts thing's in perspective, doesnt it?
We don't care about shit we can't relate to. That's why americans give more of a shit about 9/11 than that tsunami.

Yeah

Yeah it's been a while, but whatever. It's not like im talking to anyone. I'm pretty certain i just ant to keep this thing alive so theres some recording of some part of my life. If i read this later, I want myself to know that my time wasnt wasted. What im doing right now is what i want to do and what feels right, So it should be fine.

Now on to business. I just watched an anime that a friend of mine suggested to me. It made me fucking cry when it was over. It may have been because i had just taken some vicodin or some other mood affecting reason but i bawled after it ended. The story was just so perfect and in many aspects i wish i could live a life like that of the main character. While watching that anime i had truly floated into that world, and lived myself through the main character. When the anime ended, i felt depressed.
Depressed that i was now in reality, and nothing like that could ever happen to me. In the anime the kid went on a journey, found true love, grew up, and found a father figure if only for a short while. I do have parents, but i wish i had a better connection with them. I wish i could find someone to be with. Ive fucked girls, but do you know how many girlfriends i've had? none.

There was a girl i genuinely did like, but i couldnt get over a few of her flaws, and that cost me what could have been a short relationship. I dont know, I just dont attract the opposite sex. Probably because i look young as fuck.
There is one experience i have gotten to feel. Of being in a friendzone with a girl. To me, experiences are the main reason we humans are here on this planet, and this brought me a little closer to "enlightenment". The girl isnt important but i did spend time with her, and while i didnt really like her all that much in that way, i did help her through her breakup with some "douche guy" who didnt treat her right. I put that in quotations because I like the guy, he may not be a standup guy but i dont have anything against him. It's sort of like i liked him before her, so with him lies my loyalty, although those are all too strong of words to quantify my relationship with either of them.

all of this talk about experiences has made me think of what i want in life. i honestly dont know. there really isnt THAT much to do on earth but ill attempt to make a list of what i feel should be done by me, and ill post that right after this.

Herp

I havn't written in a while, but i think ill just update right now then give the real stuff later on if i feel like it. It's been spring break, failed one class retaking it next qrtr, and i got a B+ in two other classes. Legit.

also i got a cold sore, which can be mistaken for having The STD Herpes (which it basically is but it's a different kind, which is not as bad/ is not a venereal disease.) so its a embarassing to go outside but i want to go swimming then rock climb, so a mans got to do what a man's got to do right?

Valium

As you may have guessed, i left everything for tonight. Due to that god damn show 30rock. instead of the usual procrastination where i just look at the clock, the whole process was somehow overgeneralized.

• 10am - too early lets watch some 30 rock.
• 12pm - get convinced to play some counter strike until 2
• 2:10p - lets wind down and watch 30rock.
• 8:10p - should reeeaally start working
• 9:03-9:07p get small portions done, but with about the same importance as writing your name in that header for that essay due in 10 hours.
• 10p - way too late, i better just wake up really early at like 3am, and besides im almost caught up (yeah that's right i caught up with 30rock in 2 days)
• 7am (this is now today) - wake up, plan for the 12pm registration date for me to choose my classes, one of which is wait listed because i fucked up majorly this year.
• 8am-11am mess around until registration, semi freaking out
• 2pm - keep looking at schedule, take some valium.
• 2:35-6pm Mellow time. I also took it with my vyvanse(basically riddlin) and it was pretty nice.
  

well now im gonna have to get cracking and work. I also tried this hypnosis thing, and i dare to say it may have helped? i was in the weird state with the upper and downer, so next time im gonna just use the valium to relax myself and do the hynosis ( which is about motivation). But who knows what's actually motivatiing me. Could be the fact that i have about17 hours to finish. Well, minus 4 because I never really go all nighters.
For all nighter's, if it's a multiple choice the next day then all you really is like a 30 minute power nap, if the test is early in the morning. If the test is later, might as well get around 3-4. at that point your still running at a decent % effeciency.
Short answer tests are a different story. For math or writing, sleep is definitely your friend. Those are the tests where you should get at least 6 or 7, because you're not just pulling facts out of your brain.
So all In all, today was a good day, tonight and tomorrow morning will not be.

30 Rock

I just started watching this show and it is truly funny. i should really open my mind to new things more, i almost didnt watch it.
also i really need to get started on some work. fuuu.